A Structural tool that makes you - sometimes painfully - aware of your position in your relationship with something. You could also call it the meta relationship. Ben and me call it relationship squared.


Often times, you have an opinion about your home town. This is your relationship with your home town. I'll use my own home town Amsterdam as an example.

In my case, I can ask: what do I think about Amsterdam?

The answer might be: busy, fun, pretentious, fulfilling, superficial, successful.

Great! That tells me a lot. But I have more power.

Next to my opinion of Amsterdam, I also have a relationship with my opinion of Amsterdam. This is my relationship^2 with Amsterdam.

I miss my own position in my opinion. How do I think of my opinion of Amsterdam? What do I want to do with it?

I don't have direct control over my opinion of my home town, Amsterdam. I do have control over my relationship with the relationship I developed over time. I can move away, I can see my own faults, and I can change my relationship with my opinion of my home town.

It won't change Amsterdam, but I will be able to change my relationship with Amsterdam by looking at how I feel about how I feel.

I apply this to my own relationship, to exercising, work, sleep. You name it. Whenever I see a change in my behavior, I now look at my relationship^2.